Last week, we talked about validating emotions. But where do emotions come from?
A few years ago, Disney created the movie, Inside Out. The lead character, Riley, is guided by the five core emotions – Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness. The emotions live in her “Head-quarters,” the control center inside Riley’s mind, where they help advise her through everyday life as she deals with stress and unmet needs.
The movie helps us understand our brain center in a fun way. Here is a clip (If you’re short on time, jump to 1:49):
Like Riley, when our emotional center is not validated (whether Anger, Fear, Disgust, Sadness, and even Joy), it can take charge of the controls, forcing us to say or do things we may regret, like when she told her dad to “shut up.”
We have no control over the emotions that “take charge.” They are prerational and subconscious. Riley doesn’t know they exist. Neither do her parents. Regardless, they are there at the control panel of our brain.
When our brain perceives a threat, whether actual or imagined, it reacts to protect us. Typically, we have a dominant emotion from which we react. For example, like Riley’s father, mine is anger. Ask the driver going 55 in a 70.
My brain interprets the other driver as a threat to my need for control. My predominant emotion, anger in this case, begins to well up to protect me. I really wish it didn’t, but I can’t keep it from happening. However, I can control how it manifests in my words and actions, especially if someone helps me.
On our best days, my lovely wife simply says, “Wow, that driver is clogging up traffic. I can see you are getting frustrated. I would be upset, too. Thanks for driving us through all of this traffic. I really appreciate you.”
My anger is validated. I find balance and relax.
If she does not validate my emotion, well, I look like the red guy in the cartoon; unless I am able to validate my emotions on my own (more on that in a future blog). What would have happened if Riley’s dad had said, “Wow, you are upset. I would be too. This move across the country has been tough. How can I help?” Or instead of probing her, Riley’s mom said, “You don’t seem interested right now. I get that. You want to talk about it?”
When you validate the emotion of others, you are helping them find balance. You are helping them find God’s peace. Peace that can help you and others with any stress.
Yes. Even the driver going 55 in a 70! Did I mention the driver was in the left lane? It’s for passing only!!!
Thank you, Sammy Hagar.
God’s Peace and Presence,
Jeff