MY CONFESSION

I’m an INFJ.  My Enneagram is Type 4w3 (See below for a full diagram).  My Birkman is Blue.  Let me explain further.

I’m an idealist and a perfectionist who is filled with passion.  I overthink things and verbally process them.  I am incredibly emotional and experience huge swings from elation to depression.  I have great empathy for others, yet lack patience for those who are inconsiderate or self-centered.  I am often disappointed in myself and others when I perceive they or I have not reached our fullest potential or ideal.

One of the tasks of my personality type is to always improve self and influence those around me to be better.  I ALWAYS have an ideal in mind; the ideal vacation, the ideal job, the ideal marriage,  the ideal child, the ideal friendship, the ideal church, the ideal neighborhood, the ideal nation.  You get the point.  How many of those things ever reach the ideal?  Occasionally, I get there…but not terribly often.

When I reach the ideal, well, that was expected so there isn’t much celebration.  When I don’t reach an ideal, well, its the end of the world as we know it.  No offense to R.E.M., but I rarely feel fine about it.  As a result, I’m always seeking new ways to make life ideal, usually beginning with myself.  What went wrong?  What can we do better?

I’m a treat to live with.  Ask my wife and kids.

I have had therapists to help me process these grandiose emotions since I was about 23 years old.  I learned much about striving for excellence over perfection, positive self talk, and the like.  However, I never quite learned how to live well with my personality; I was merely living as best I could, looking good on the outside and feeling awful on the inside.

Enter gratitude.

ENTER GRATITUDE

I learned in a neuroscience course what happens inside my brain when I am struggling with my deep emotional reactions and it was transformational to how I viewed myself and the world.  It’s why I have shared this information in previous blogs.

There are many ways to strengthen the anterior cingulate(which connects emotions and rational thought) so that you can respond positively to stress, perceived threats, and unmet needs.  None changed my life quite like the task of gratitude.  After all, it is God’s will for our lives.  Read it for yourself in 1 Thessalonians.

“16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

HOW GRATITUDE IMPACTS THE BRAIN AND YOUR WELLNESS

Feelings of gratitude directly activate brain regions associated with the neurotransmitter Dopamine, which makes the brain feel good.  It is generally considered the “reward” neurotransmitter.

Gratitude can have such a powerful impact on your life because it engages your brain in a virtuous cycle.  Your brain only has so much power to focus its attention.  It cannot easily focus on both positive and negative stimuli.  So give it the positive!

Your brain is also wired for negativity bias, which is instinctual and keeps you alive when there is a threat.  It scans the environment for negative things that are perceived as threats.  It will even imagine them!

Additionally, your brain loves to fall for confirmation bias, looking for things that prove what it already believes to be true.  Dopamine reinforces all of this!

So, once you practice being grateful, your brain keeps looking for more things for which to be grateful.

That’s how the virtuous cycle gets created.

Here is what happens when you practice gratitude:

• Your brain floods with reward/positive chemicals.
• Your anxiety and depression symptoms lessen.
• Your hypothalamus works better, which controls and regulates:
  • Hunger
  • Sleep
  • Body temperature
  • Metabolism
  • Body growth
• It enhances your resilience, which is your body and brain’s ability to bounce back from seriously stressful/traumatic events.
• You will fall asleep more easily…consider Thanksgiving…it’s not just the turkey that makes you sleepy, it is the grateful brain!
• You experience more positive emotions overall.

ACTION TO BECOME MORE GRATEFUL AND REWIRE YOUR BRAIN

How do you become more grateful?

FIRST – Write down up to ten VERY SPECIFIC things each day for which you are grateful; not just your home, or friendships, or food.

Consider things such as a cool breeze that refreshed your very soul, the car started today, my spouse held my hand, my child hugged me, my parent praised me, the flower growing through crack in the cement, making a green light, or even when the dog doesn’t poop on the floor.

Perhaps you can phrase it these ways:

1. What are ten specific thing for which I am grateful?
2. Where did I see God at work today?
3. How did my spouse make me feel loved?
4. How did my children surprise me?

SECOND – Practice with your family around the dinner table, in the car, before you tuck kids in bed; or ask the above questions at work with co-workers (Tell me something you are excited about that happened today.)

You get the idea.  Consistent work at writing things down and you will legitimately rewire your brain in about 6 months or so.  It will change your life.  Do this with others and your whole world will change.

Trust me.  It did mind.

Today, for me, when it feels like the end of the world, I feel fine.

Oh…and in case you wanted to hear the song, here it is: